


Make it 'Til Morning

by kennedie_exe



Series: A Fragile Mind [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst because that's seems to be all I can write right now, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor isn't okay, Depression, Hank is best dad, Human AU, I'll stop hurting Connor one day, M/M, Markus is best friend and you can make it shippy too, Mention of Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, That I won't give, a somewhat happy ending, and a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 13:25:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18941911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kennedie_exe/pseuds/kennedie_exe
Summary: As a last-ditch effort, Connor found a sanctuary. Will he run, or will he stay? Most importantly, will he make it until the next day? Time is ticking, hope is lost, but maybe that safe haven would be his only chance, the last resort if you will.





	Make it 'Til Morning

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing like 4 things at the same time and this one got finished first sooooooo here I am, and I'm alive. I think I'm on like an angst high or something like I can't stop, someone stop me please, thanks

The rain came down in a ruthless spell of water; pelting Connor, soaking him from head to toe. The thunder rumbled loudly, letting its presence be known before lightning cracked through the sky. It was the same as the storm going on inside his head as he stood outside a familiar house. Going there wasn't his intention. His destination varied, may it be a bridge or a tall building, a way to escape it all. He knew he couldn't be home though, knew his dad would wake in the morning to reading that note he left on the kitchen table, but that was the least of his worries. He kept notes before, writing his feeling down while also writing methods and formulating what all he could do to just… _let go_.

 

The pain was a distinguishable feeling. It was something he had grown familiar with, something that clung to his mind and body unable to really disappear. It lingered. It made up who he was; someone filled with only a deep cutting pain, living when all he ever did was hurt like a knife kept digging and twisting in his chest. Every thought made his mind ache, those inanimate voices swirling in his head spoke of nothing but utter disdain towards him and all he ever could do was curl in on himself and just accept the fact that he was _absolutely nothing_.

 

Time was running out.

 

He couldn’t live in that continuum any more.

 

Connor stood right in front of the door of Markus' house, a close friend. Something within him told him that this was a safe place to go; a place that would make him feel better. The little demons in his head spoke otherwise, telling him how he's wasting all that precious time standing there when he could just _… be dead_.

 

He considered it plenty of times; the easy way out, the way where he could not have to worry about a single degrading thought anymore. It was the relief he wanted. No more chasing after happiness he knew he wouldn't get, no more lying in bed because he had no drive to get up. Connor had attempted once before but failed, or rather he was too scared to go through with it. He wasn’t determined enough to do it even when he had all he needed to get the job done. The makeshift loop he made and placed in his closest was almost too good to be real, and yet he didn’t go through with it. He thought about his dad, his friends, and himself at that moment and did away with the inevitable.

 

But he had dug himself too deep. The pit had finally reached the lowest point it could go and there was no climbing back up. He was stranded, trapped in unless he did something about it one way or another.

 

He could just… disappear without a trace.

 

It was too late for him anyway. Connor tipped himself over into a void of darkness unable to see any sort of light imaginable. Getting help was useless, standing at that door in front of him was useless, _he was useless._ And when he actually did ring the doorbell, he was half tempted to just run but the tiniest part of him made him stay grounded. Markus couldn't possibly care, right? It had to all been pity. No one really cared about him.

 

Connor was completely unstable. If he didn't stay where he was, he didn't think he'd make it to the morning. Each day had been a fight to keep going, but he's lost the battle. He couldn't fight anymore.

 

Maybe… he should just leave—

 

That was until he heard the lock on the door being rattled with. The door soon opened and there stood Markus looking as if he had just woken up. A yawn came from him as he stretched his arms up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before those eyes landed directly on Connor.

 

"May I ask why you are here at 3:45 am?" And Markus' voice was calm maybe even worried. No, definitely not worried. Maybe concerned since Connor didn't have a jacket on when it was pouring rain so his hair was curled at the ends and matted against his head.

 

"I-I…I—" His voice began to crack. Stupid, this was a stupid idea. He had disturbed Markus from his sleep and for what? Some sort of pity talk? He didn't need that. He just _needed_ to leave.

 

"Connor…?"

 

"I'm… sorry to have woken you up. It was silly of me in the first place. I think… I'll be going now." Connor began to turn away from the man at the door. He set his destination in mind, it would all be over soon. Right when he began to walk, his arm was gently grabbed which stopped him in his tracks. He didn't resist, though his mind halted in its thoughts when Markus had stopped him in the first place. _Why would Markus stop him?_

 

"Come inside for a few minutes? You should get out of this rain." _He shouldn’t… be alive now._ Connor pulled his arm away, trying not to appear as distant but he had a plan to seek out, formed and ready to be commenced.

 

"It's fine, I'm fine… I just… I have to go." And he started walking away.

 

"Please… Connor, talk to me. What's wrong?" There were a lot of things wrong. Connor thought himself as so fucked up that nothing ever seemed right to him. He began to break down a little, his voice beginning to shake, tears stung at his eyes as he stood still briefly, his back facing the door.

 

He was so close to not saying anything. So close to just running out into the storm, but he instead took a deep breath and sighed out, grounding himself for the moment.

 

"I just… I don't belong h-here. It's too painful l-living out each day like I'm okay. I'm— I'm not okay…" Then that fresh wave of emotion hit him making his tears fall, mixing with the rain as he choked out a sob. "Y-you can’t possibly understand. You don't need me, my dad doesn't need me, I'm n-nothing to anyone. I'm one weight the world doesn't need." And well, that was more than he planned on saying but if Markus wanted the truth, he got it. “I can’t take it anymore…”

 

Once Markus didn't respond instantly, he began walking back out into the rain. Clearly, he was right in his assumption, no one cared about him. He didn't get too far though. He jumped in surprised, freezing in place when a pair of arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly as if not to let go.

 

"I didn't want to believe the signs but clearly I should have been a better friend. I should have helped you more than I had anticipated. Please stay." Connor didn't want to believe those words, preferred if he didn't because it twisted his mind too much. But also the desperation in Markus' voices pulled something inside of him that made him not just take off running.

 

"I—" And he just started crying there, right in the rain. Markus, too, was in the rain still having not let go of him almost as a precaution. "I don't know anymore…" Then he tried to calm himself down, which wasn't much, but it was enough to speak more than a weak sob. "It's raining… you'll get sick."

 

"I'm… far from carrying about a little rain right now. My f-focus is on you." Markus' voice cracked a little too as he spoke. "If you try to run, I'll chase after you. If you tell me to go inside I won't do it. I'll stay out here all night just like this if it means you're less likely to hurt yourself." Markus didn't seem like he would budge anytime soon. Connor couldn't fathom the situation. His mind couldn't wrap around someone actually caring about him.

 

It was hard to believe anything anymore.

 

"Life is… difficult. I feel like… I'm not doing anything worthwhile. I'm not worth the time, to be honest. I'm just so tired of living in this world devoid of any happiness. So why bother?" Connor spoke quietly, barely above a whisper.

 

"You're one of my best friends, Connor. I and others care so dearly for you. I want to do everything in my power to help you. I know it's so hard to deal with what you're going through, but trust me. I'll help you, however, I can." That flipped something inside of Connor because soon he started shaking as more tears fell down his face. He was coming to his senses a bit; Some light peeked in through the storm in his head.

 

He didn't speak for some time. A war inside his head going on; Run or stay were his only options. The stay option was becoming more plausible.

 

"I—I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for putting this on you and for being so goddamn pathetic. It’s just… it feels like there's nothing else I can do… I don't think any amount of help will make me feel better…" Of course, he was pessimistic; he hadn't known happiness for years now. Each day was worse than the last and he tricked himself into thinking that there really wasn't anything else he could do.

 

Markus' words did pull him out of his thoughts for the moment. It wouldn't be easy to believe he'll be okay, but the serene sound of Markus' voice did help even if it seemed insignificant.

 

"Come on, let's go inside and talk. It's better than being out here in the rain." And Connor slowly nodded his head, getting his bearings and allowed himself to be taken into Markus' house.

 

They talked only briefly before the tiredness was taking both of them over. Connor had offered to sleep on the couch but Markus wasn't having that. He had invited Connor to sleep in the bed with him which Connor understood, it was to watch him more than anything; It wasn’t like Connor intended to up and leave in the middle of the night, but who's to say his mind wouldn't start playing tricks on him again? So he was reluctant, agreeing to sleep in the bed after all.

 

He fell asleep easier than he’d thought he would. He was comfortable, it felt as if having someone next to him actually made him feel at ease.

 

Maybe he would make it to the morning after all.

 

\---

 

“...Yeah, yeah he’s here with me… No, I’m not lying, he’s still asleep…”

 

Connor slow stirred awake in his sleep upon hearing the conversation. His slowly opened his eyes, scanning the room around him, squinting when the sunlight peeked through the window, shining in his eyes. Once his eyes actually focused, he spotted Markus pacing around, holding his phone to his ear. He couldn’t make out the voice on the other end but clearly, the person was yelling over the receiver.

 

“Mr. Anderson I swear he’s right here. He's—he’s awake now… Do you want to speak to him?... Okay, okay here he is.” Then Markus gave a worrying look before he went over to Connor, handing him the phone. Markus was talking to his father—

 

Connor forgot about the note he left behind…

 

He took the phone, gulping down some air before he let out a deep sigh.

 

"H-hello—"

 

_"Connor… Jesus fucking Christ. A-are you okay? This note you left… is it true? Were you—"_

 

"Y-yes… the note was true." And small hiccups came out of him as tears began to form in his eyes. "I'm so sorry dad. I-I thought it'd be easier to disappear… I didn't want to worry anyone. It's was stupid, I'm stupid—"

 

_"Son… You're one of the brightest boys out there. Please talk to me… I want to help you. I don't want to see you like this anymore."_ And Connor could hear the sadness in his father's voice which was the last thing he wanted to hear.

 

"I n-need help… I don't think it will do much but dad, right now I didn't think I'd be home today…" Which was so scary in how true that statement was. If he was just a little more determined, a little more willing…

 

_"Oh, son…"_ And Connor could hear his father beginning to cry over the receiver doing his best to straighten up before he began speaking against. _"God, I'm just glad you're alive now. I'll get you the help you need, I'll do whatever it takes, just… please promise me that you won't do this again."_ Which was something hard to promise because Connor, himself, didn't know what mind games his brain would play on him.

 

"I-I… I'll try."

 

_"Please say you promise…"_

 

"I—" And he took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. "I p-promise." Saying it somehow made him feel a little better. Almost as if speaking optimism into the atmosphere would make it a reality.

 

_"Okay… okay. Do you want me to pick you up?"_

 

"I might stay here a bit… I'll be home later. If that's okay."

 

_"That's okay. Have Markus bring you back here, whenever you're ready. Put him back on the phone."_ Then Connor gestured towards Markus to take the phone.

 

"Yes, sir?... No, you don't have to thank me. I—yeah, I'll do my best to help as well… yeah, I'll have him back later on… no problem and thanks for calling me." Then Markus said his goodbye before he hung up the phone.

 

Connor couldn't even look at Markus; His eyes stayed down-casted as he didn't utter a single word. Markus didn't pry at him, he actually went towards him and sat on the side of the bed right next to Connor. He said not a word but he did wrap his arms around Connor, bringing him into his embrace and Connor himself leaned into the touch.

 

For the moment, he felt grounded; felt as if things wouldn't be so bad. Having Markus, his dad, and other by his side made just inkling of sadness dissipate.

 

"Everything will be okay, Connor." Markus began and Connor just listened to his words. "You have your whole life ahead of you. You have people that care about you and we are all willing to help you." Connor did his best to take in those words, accepting them and trying to believe them.

 

"Thank you…" His voice wavered a bit but soon he cleared his throat. "And… I'm truly sorry about last night. I've never felt so… hopeless like that. It felt like there was no way out. Like there was only _one way_ out. But I feel a bit better now… only time will tell when the next time I'll fall into that void again." He had to be honest with Markus just so he could get a glimpse of the way his mind worked.

 

"And I'll catch you when you fall. I'll always be there for you. Whenever you feel bad or even if you think hurting yourself is the only way, please call on to me or your dad and our friends. We want to help." And the embrace soon turned into just them laying down, Connor curled into Markus' body and he felt… nice like this. He felt safe.

 

Worries began to disappear some more. It all might be temporary but he could at least relish at the moment before he began to fall. But as Markus said, he'd catch him if he fell.

 

He made it to the morning.

 

Maybe he could make it more than just the next morning.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously, please stop me... I'll eventually stop with the angst... maybe... hmmm... Well, this may be just a series of hurt Connor for no reason whatsoever
> 
> Next chapter of my the multi should be out soon though so also check that out if you want :)
> 
> (And honestly, if yall want more angst, hit me up with some ideas hhhhhhhhhhh)


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